I haven’t posted for a while. One could be forgiven for thinking I had abandoned the project. This is typical for me — after I mount a show, I generally take a little time off from the studio. It’s a period of regeneration and reflection.

Maybe that’s putting a little too much gloss on it — it’s a period of reflection, uncertainty, trepidation, worry, and ultimately regeneration. For me, and for my experience of the practice of painting, this is normal. (And I do want to clarify something for the other artists out there — this is not post-show blues. I find that those usually come the day after the opening, and many of you will know what I mean. Post-show blues are related to the letdown kids have the day after their birthday.)

Rather, this is a recurring minor existential crisis.

This ends one of three ways:

1. I continue what I have been doing.
2. I do something different.
3. I stop.

Number three, while always on the table, is also always the least likely. Number two happens sometimes. Number one happens most often.

Choosing option number one sounds simple, but it isn’t. Choosing to do what I have been doing is always an act of faith — faith that I am on a path, and not in a rut. Faith that slow progress is progress nonetheless. Faith that the act of pushing on will not only change the work, but will change my self.

I’ve heard it said that one definition of mental illness is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. If that’s the case, my painting practice is sometimes a slot machine.